Top 10 List: Manners that Carry Us through Life

October 16, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

I knew a lady from the Caribbean who said (in her beautiful accent), “Manners carry us through life.” The quote really stuck with me – almost as if manners are the vessel that can make our journey more graceful each day.

I tend to be a real stickler for manners with my kids, because using good manners is a way of showing respect to everyone around us. I see so many adults who grew up and seem to have missed the proverbial boat on manners and common courtesies (I guess I have developed some kind of fear that my kids will become super rude and therefore contribute to the erosion of grace in our society). So many of you wrote to us when we launched Wear the Cape one month ago and cited the importance of manners as part of our mission, observing that this value seems to have fallen by the wayside.

I think parents need to remember that it is our job to be a constant force here. We need to demonstrate and showcase our own top-notch manners.

I toe the line with my crew of four, so much so that my older brothers often make fun of me saying I’m a bit over-the-top (I admit; I’m relentless in this regard). About a year ago, I started unofficially researching other parents who seem to be great role models for me to aspire towards in terms of how they keep their kids on track in the manners department. Here is the Top 10 list of what I’ve learned (I know you’ve gotta love lists and bullets as much as I do, so here goes):

Top 10 Manners for “Wear the Cape” Kids

1) Say “please” and “thank you”…THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE.

2) Give a proper handshake when greeting people, especially adults.

3) Show gratitude, particularly when receiving a gift. Follow-up Thank You notes are preferred and can be facilitated by parents when kids are too young to write one on their own. Drawing a Thank You picture is also a great little craft project to keep in mind while teaching the value of gratitude. But remember: showing gratitude is an ongoing, everyday act.

4) Hold the door open for others whenever the opportunity presents itself, and say “thank you” when the door is held for you.

5) If you cannot say something nice about someone or something, do not say anything at all.

6) When you sneeze, do so into your bent elbow (you know…the new way!).

7) At the table, chew quietly, use utensils and put the napkin on your lap.

8) Don’t interrupt, but if you must, say “excuse me.”

9) When departing from a place where you were hosted, such as a birthday party, thank the host/parents for having you.

10) Offer to share your things (toys, supplies, etc.) whenever you have the chance.

Tell us: Do you have a value or key manner that you try to instill in your kids? We would love to hear about it.

QUICK TIPS – Because It Is Anti-Bullying Month

October 9, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

So I went to my niece’s soccer game the other day and ran into an old friend who had read about Wear the Cape and immediately spoke of the timely nature of our mission (music to my ears, of course).

Her daughters are at a new school in a nice town. Apparently, for several days during “line up” to come inside the school, one of her daughters has been getting kicked HARD – hard enough to leave a pretty nasty bruise for mom and dad to see.

Why did this kicking and bruising occur, you ask? Well, because her daughter didn’t have any gum to offer to the school bully who has been picking on her.

I felt really sad when I heard this story. I followed up in writing to my friend and sent her some suggested tips to prevent bullying…and I figured why not pass them along to all of you? Even though our mission at Wear the Cape is about promoting kindness and good character in kids, it is Anti-bullying Month, and this stuff does happen. Below are tips and suggestions for those who may be having a hard time.

Advice for your child who is being targeted by a bully or observing another person who may be being bullied:

1) Tell an adult right away (a teacher, a coach, a parent)

2) Don’t let the bully know that you are in fear because that feeds the bully’s power

SC kids and mom — Michelle from Upstate South Carolina and her two boys ages four and nine

3) Demonstrate confidence in your body language – your stance, your hand gestures – while clearly telling the bully to STOP (I tell my son to stand like a superhero, and this seemed to work for him on the playground, where he tended to have a pretty tough time last year)

4) If all else fails, get out of a bad situation…just walk away…

*Important: Wear the Cape for another person who might be in trouble with a bully by telling the bully to stop and encouraging the person in need with a pat on the back, a kind word, a high five or a fist bump (these can go a long way!)

Advice for parents of a child being bullied:

1) Alert the school or authorities – someone in charge

2) Stay connected with your child and continue to ask questions and monitor the situation – really listen and notice all the signs and nuances of the conversation such as body language, eye contact, etc.

3) Support and encourage healthy friendships for your child with kids who are respectful and build your child up – go out of your way to facilitate interactions and play time for your child to spend time with the “good ones”

3) Continue to build the child’s confidence and feelings of support – recognize and reinforce the positive, what is going well in the child’s life

We also checked in with a guidance counselor who served as a crisis counselor for kids for more than two decades. Here is the advice that she had FOR TEACHERS:

Many children are afraid to tell an adult – afraid that other children will hear/find out they told. I often suggested that teachers keep a shoebox with a sealed lid that has a slit in it, covered in colorful contac paper in their classrooms. This gives children a way to report bullying privately, before class or after lunch when other students aren’t around.

Our expert noted that this works especially well in upper-elementary and junior high. She also said the child/student reporting the incident should:

1) Tell their name, date, what happened & where

2) List at least 1 or 2 names of witnesses (if they know any), with whom the teacher can follow-up

She emphasized that teachers, along with their Principal, should decide on consequences for bullying, but the child doing the bullying should also have to admit to and own his or her inappropriate behavior and apologize to the victim.

Really hoping that my friend and her daughter have a better week to come! For those of you out there who are also dealing with any number of rough situations in this vein: we are pulling for you! What situations are you and your kids struggling with? How are you handling these situations? We would love to hear from you.

Stay tuned for another post soon-to-come centered on cyberbullying (a burgeoning challenge as many of us know all too well).

The Start of Something Good: Guest Blogs!

October 7, 2013 Leigh Ann Errico1 Comment

We are so excited to begin featuring blogs from YOU. By sharing your stories, it’s our hope that others will be inspired to Wear the Cape, too – because we can’t teach kindness on our own! It’s learned through experience. By seeing through the eyes of many, we will all have better perspective.

Our first installment comes from Cindy of New Jersey:

I experienced a true Wear the Cape moment a few months ago. My daughter and I were at Shop Rite, doing our weekly routine of buying groceries. It’s usually a rushed experience since we are always on the go and heading somewhere – but this day was different. My 6-year-old decided that she wanted to help bag the food, so I said, “Sure! That would be a huge help, and I’d love that.” Because she took that job on, I had the chance to stand there and just hang out for a few moments. I could have picked up my phone to check email, but for some reason I didn’t.

In those five calm minutes I noticed a couple at the register next to me. They looked older, tattered and a little unsettled – I was interested in what was happening (read: I can be nosy!), so I kept my eye on them and the woman at the register. Before I knew it, I realized that their bill was more than what they could pay. I quickly looked at what was left to be bagged: essentials like toilet paper, soap, chicken, milk, etc. I heard the cashier say, “I am sorry but you’re going to have to put some of this back, because what you gave me isn’t enough to cover the bill.”

I didn’t even think twice; I walked over to the register and said, “I would like to pay the rest of their bill.” My daughter, in her very loud (normal) voice exclaimed, “Mom, what’s happening? What are you doing?” I ignored her for a moment and pulled out my credit card to pay the bill so they could take everything home. I looked at the man and woman, now hugging and he was crying. His wife buried her head in his chest and didn’t say anything. With tears in his eyes, he whispered, “Thank you.”

The woman at the register turned to me and said, “I have worked here for 10 years and no one has ever done that…and believe me, we have people come through here weekly that have to return items.” I thought, “That is just not right!”

To top it off, the woman behind me grabbed my arms and looked me in the eye and said, “You are an angel. Wonderful things will come back to you, and you will be blessed.” I said to her, “Look at my daughter, and I have a son at home…I am already blessed!”

Without even realizing it, I had just taught everyone around me a lesson:

The struggling older couple now believes there are people in this word who are willing to help.
The cashier realized that there are still good people in the world.
And my favorite: My daughter watches me every day and learns from MY actions. She watched it all happen right before her eyes and couldn’t stop talking about it the entire way home (she, of course, told my son and husband), and she still talks about “the old couple that had no money that my mommy helped” – spoken by a true six-year-old. With one act of kindness, I made a lifelong impact. Your kids watch you every day, too – what a great thing to be able to teach an important lesson without saying a word at all!

The purpose of my story is to share that, in a moment’s notice, without giving enough time to talk yourself out of it, you can not only give someone dinner for one night, but change their perspective of the world! Be someone that changes the world – we can do it one person at a time.

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Many thanks to Cindy for kicking off our Guest Blog feature! Please send us your stories, too. It takes a community to teach kindness.