10 Ways to Help Your Kids Appreciate the Meaning of the Holidays

December 23, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

As we are in the thick of the holidays, I got to thinking and casually polling about how we might be able to keep the true meaning and spirit of Christmas top of mind with our children, rather than solely focusing on all that is in Santa’s sleigh. As we parents know, that is not an easy accomplishment these days.

So what is a parent to do? We want to raise kids who are not entitled but, rather, grateful. We want to bring up kids who have a kind heart and giving spirit focused on helping and serving others.

At my two oldest children’s year-end holiday concert, the music teacher introduced the songs and the children singing them by talking about the meaning of the season. It was pointed out that music is one way to show and share love with other people, especially those with a tired spirit and a lot less skip in their steps…those less fortunate.

In the spirit of the old faithful Top 10 list, here are some things to ponder and to consider doing with your children during this special time of year to show and share some love – because let’s face it: In the end, love is a pretty darn important thing in our lives. It creates so much security and confidence in our children when they feel loved…when they get to make happy memories with us.

1) Discuss who you may know is having a particularly difficult or lonely year, and invite that person to join in on your holiday plans for dinner and some good cheer – chances are you know someone who fits this description.

2) If you celebrate Christmas, remember: It is the day that Christ was born. Some moms that I polled had the neat idea to have a birthday cake for Jesus to be sure he is not forgotten in the midst of the holiday frenzy.

3) Go caroling at an assisted living facility or volunteer some time there to bring the residents a picture your kids drew or just to sit and talk.

4) Go around the table with children during a meal and ask them to reflect on what they are most grateful for this year (that money cannot buy).

5) If the materialism and the wallet pounding has you blue, I have a friend who gives each of her children three gifts for Christmas, one representing each of the Three Wise Men/Kings from the Bible. How’s that for a win-win?

6) Discuss with your children one resolution they will make for how they will help another person or group of people in the new year (e.g, volunteer, help an elderly neighbor with his/her house chores, bake or cook for a family in need, etc).

7) Work hard to maintain the traditions from your childhood that were really happy, fun and filled your heart with joy. Children love to hear stories of their parents’ childhoods. Share some of your best memories of Christmas as a child, and try to replicate some of the familiar magic, recipes, places or activities whenever possible.

For me, I recall that the gifts we baked for our teachers were a pretty big deal growing up, as was the chance to go out to dinner on Christmas Eve to a “fancy” place in good ‘ole Mendham, NJ that we otherwise could not afford. We appreciated every moment of that decadent dinner and then prayed that our old and very “beaten up” Oldsmobile station wagon with wood paneling on the side would make it up our snowy driveway on the way home. If I close my eyes, I can go right back to those joy-filled moments with the Beach Boys Christmas album cranked up on the AM radio….they filled my heart up with so much love. I think the most magical part was that my mom and dad worked so hard to afford that dinner for our family. They were smart enough to teach us how fortunate we were to be going there and the importance of hard work to earn nice experiences to share with your family.

8) Plan to have no plans – and be home with your kids, nesting, cooking, telling stories, reading books and watching special movies with meaning. We parents move at warp speed trying to provide for our children. While that is awesome, I imagine our kids would never turn down extra quality time and quiet time with us. That takes being intentional, just as we would plan any other meeting (this is one where I struggle; I am a psychotic multi-tasker, but working hard on my own reform).

9) Treasure your treasures. Take the time to share the meaning of your heirloom decorations by telling your children stories about them. Ask for their help in carefully packing up the treasures until next year, emphasizing the value of these special family treasures.

For me, this year at my annual holiday lunch with my mom (one of our well-protected holiday traditions), she passed down the tree-topper angel to me. She wanted me to have it, as there is a lot of meaning and memory in that particular ornament for me. When my mom gave it to me, I started to cry. It made me realize that I could do a way better job reviewing all of the ornaments with my own children, as opposed to things being such a “free for all” when we decorate. I will do better in this regard next year.

10)Whatever we may have wished we had experienced as a kid but, for whatever reason, didn’t have the chance, now is our opportunity to make it happen for our children. Think through what new traditions your kids would cherish and try to make them a reality.

I know a couple that, every year, crafts an individual letter for each child to open on Christmas morning. The letter describes some of the highlights of the child’s year – the fun memories, the nicknames, the favorite songs and things to do. The letters are saved in a special box and stored away year over year. The children love reading their letters or having them read to them, depending on their ages. It has nothing to do with material things and everything to do with experiences. It becomes a keepsake to store in the box and in their hearts forever.

I’m dreaming of love and authenticity for my family this holiday season.

What are you dreaming of? How do you create happy and meaningful holiday memories for your family?

New York Times Letter to the Editor for today’s Sunday Dialogue

October 27, 2013October 27, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

For today’s Sunday Dialogue, The New York Times invited readers to discuss the tone of public discourse in the digital age. The conversation was sparked by a Letter to the Editor on the Rebecca Ann Sedwick cyberbullying tragedy from Mitch Horowitz, author of the forthcoming “One Simple Idea: How Positive Thinking Reshaped Modern Life.”

Here is my Reader Reaction:

To the Editor:

Kindness is free, but it’s become a luxury. In Mitch Horowitz’s October 21^st Letter to the Editor urging that we “Bring Back Civility,” he underscores the importance of parents and teachers monitoring “online chatter”. I want to suggest a word swap, because the connotation of chatter doesn’t begin to reflect the pain and price of the digital damning that’s become as trendy as skinny jeans. Horowitz is right that an uglier and less empathic side of human behavior has been normalized – but why has being cruel become normal?

We are in a race to no place. Fueled by technology – smartphones, tablets, notebooks and sliders – society has accelerated to a pace at which necessary nurturing is neglected. Children need long hugs, long lectures and long timeouts. How is sound character supposed to stick if it’s imparted in a here-and-there, slapped-together kind of way (or not even taught at all)? We must systematically set an example for our kids.

Technology has contributed to values being lost in translation. It’s also given kids a wall to hide behind while they hurl hurt (they’re often doing so because they’re hurting inside themselves). No one wants to learn of another sweet-faced 12-year-old taking his or her own life. So in remembrance of Rebecca Ann Sedwick, here are “10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying”.

Leigh Ann Errico is the founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation, dedicated to restoring the power of kindness and good character.

To read Horowitz’ piece, titled “Bring Back Civility,” and other reader responses, click here. Why do you think civility has plummeted?

10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying

October 24, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

Cy·ber·bul·ly·ing – noun: the electronic posting of mean-spirited messages about a person (as a student) often done anonymously (source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Does a week go by when we don’t hear about these mean-spirited, online messages? As many of you are aware, last month a sweet-faced girl named Rebecca Ann Sedwick committed suicide at just 12 years of age after a year of being terrorized – both physically and via social media – by a ring of 15 girls. We at Wear the Cape are very sad to learn of this horrible tragedy and are praying for the strength of Rebecca’s loved ones.

The rise of social media makes our mission – restoring the power of kindness and good character – all that much more important. I talked with my dear friend in Boston who is both a 7^th grade teacher and a mother of two teens, and she assisted me in pulling together what we see as important, simple tips for all parents. Let’s join together to keep our kids safe from the dangers of the cyber world.

10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying

1. Keep the home computer in the family room with the screen visible. This way there is no secrecy, and online activities can be monitored. Rethink kids having computers in their own bedrooms.

2. Cellphones should be left charging at night in a “common area.” Children should not go to bed at night with their phones in their possession.

3. Approve all phone “app” purchases and understand their purpose. Many times, weeks or months of bullying take place through these sites before parents are aware of the activity.

4. Parents should check out the age requirements outlined by social media sites (often kids join sites “illegally”, and the content is not age appropriate).

5. Insist on knowing your child’s passwords. It’s for their safety. No exceptions.

6. If your child is being cyberbullied, tell him/her NOT to respond to any negative posts – even if what is being said is mean or untrue. The bully is trying to get a reaction. Don’t stoop to their level.

7. Tell your child to ask for help if he or she is ever feeling threatened. Victims of bullying should always seek out advice from a parent, teacher, coach, counselor, or other trusted adult.

8. Report bullying. Make the school aware of what’s going on, even if it is not school-related. Teachers and coaches can help keep an eye on the situation. The websites and apps serving as platforms for the harassment should be contacted, as well. Involve the authorities as appropriate – there may need to be an investigation.

9. Block the bully (unless there is an investigation with authorities)! Stop communication with a bully as much as possible. Delete them from your “friends” lists and contacts. Block them from sending you emails and/or messages on social media.

10. Never blame yourself. This is the bully’s issue, not the victim’s. Encourage your child and surround them with people who love, support and lift them up. Tell them to be proud of who they are.

Wear the Cape’s BETTER THAN THAT™ bracelets serve as a reminder to you and your kids to do the right thing and not stoop to the level of bullies. For one more week, our BETTER THAN THAT™ bracelets are available at a discount in celebration of anti-bullying month for $4.95 (regular price will be $5.95 starting November 1^st)!

Keep in mind: Bullies try to hurt others, because they’re hurting inside themselves.