5 Tips to Avoid Overbooking Your Kids and Create Life Balance

April 29, 2015April 29, 2015 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

Overbooked kids and parents can miss some of the best parts of being in a family. For parents far and wide, Wear the Cape’s resident expert on character education Philip Brown, PhD has compiled “5 Tips to Avoid Overbooking Your Kids and Create Life Balance”. The list was created to help parents balance the responsibilities of providing economic security and meeting the needs of all family members for emotional support and personal fulfillment.

“Finding balance is not an easy task in a society of great abundance,” said Dr. Brown, who is a senior consultant at the National School Climate Center. “Our interests and our desire to give our children every opportunity to succeed can inadvertently pull us into adding an ever increasing number of activities, dates, plans and obligations.”

Dr. Brown added, “Saying ‘no’ when demands become more than we can handle, or to children who may feel that they are supposed to be involved with everything their friends are doing to keep up, is not easy, and can be particularly difficult if our sense of self, who we want to believe we are or should be, seems dependent on saying ‘yes’ and doing it all.”

5 Tips to Avoid Overbooking Your Kids and Find Life Balance

Let your kids know that you care about them for who they are, not just what they can do. Children need to know that your love is not contingent on their achievements.
Remember that children do not have the same sense of time that you do. Part of growing up is being able to put things in perspective. There will likely be another friend, another team, another trip if this one does not work out.
Working hard at something you love to do is one of the best parts of life. It takes some of us a lot of experimenting to find those things we love. Kids need that free time to try new things, as well as the permission to give them up and try something else.
Some kids organize their time and find their interests with just a little exposure; other kids may need a bit of a push to try things that don’t seem attractive or interesting (or may be threatening). The trick here is to be sensitive to individual needs and persistent in offering opportunities. If you need to be pushy, try to offer alternatives, so kids have a voice in what they will be doing. For example, some children thrive in competitive sports, and others may find their niche in hiking or dancing.
Remember to include exposure to helping others in your family activities. One of the best ways of developing empathy in our children (and ourselves) is to feel the gratitude that is expressed when we help others. This doesn’t happen if we don’t have the opportunity of interacting with others in need or whom we help. This can happen within the context of the family itself, as well, and doesn’t necessarily require a formal charity event. Create opportunities in which children can feel that they have meaningfully helped other family members or the whole family accomplish something. The combination of caring, responsibility, feeling respected, and gratitude is a powerful stew that nourishes the soul.

“When we’re overprogrammed and feel we can’t keep up, or are constantly running on empty, stress can lead to anxiety, depression and take a toll on our minds and bodies,” commented Dr. Brown. “For children, this can surface in many ways – trouble sleeping, frequent irritability, aggressiveness with siblings, trouble in school, moodiness or frequent illness are all common signs that something is not right and needs to be explored.”

To raise children of good character, a combination of guidance, freedom, and support in the context of shared values should be provided. Most 21st century parents in America experience tension between their roles as providers, parents and having adult lives, a phenomenon that is widespread and not limited to one class or location. Reflection may be valuable, even if parents are not sure if they are overbooking.

“For most parents, laying the groundwork for their children’s happiness and fulfillment is a top priority,” said Leigh Ann Errico, CEO and founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation. “But it’s important that families step back and assess the hours being devoted to various activities on the never-ending list of possibilities. Downtime can be time well-spent.”

Leigh Ann Pens Guest Article on Bullying for Parent Palace, Megahub for Moms

January 11, 2015January 9, 2015 Leigh Ann Errico1 Comment

Parent Palace – a royally awesome site with fun recipes, craft ideas, product reviews and tips read by nearly 300K moms – published a guest article on bullying by Wear the Cape & kidkind foundation Founder Leigh Ann Errico. Check it out…and then poke around the Palace!

Ending the B-word Needs All Hands on Deck

January 8, 2015 By Babbette Leave a Comment

“Bullying” – these days, we see the word everywhere that we look. From school newsletters to local newscasts, bad behavior is making headlines. But bullying isn’t just a buzzword; it has become a pervasive problem. And with holiday break in the rearview mirror, the struggle will be renewed for many of our kids.

Social media has enabled the monster that is bullying to keep sprouting new heads called Kik, Ask.FM and Snapchat. Once upon a time, kids could go home from school and escape the harassment, but now it’s often even worse afterhours. As obvious as it is that a swarm of jerks has even more capacity to descend upon America, it’s less clear how to stop the plague.

Last year, I founded Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation after I came up short in my search for resources on how to raise my four kids to do the right thing and to choose kindness over the power play. Since then, we’ve partnered with Philip Brown, PhD, a senior consultant at the National School Climate Center, who is now Wear the Cape’s resident character education expert. Recently Dr. Brown helped Wear the Cape expose five realities about bullying that are often overlooked and showed us what to do in light of the facts. Here’s a condensed version of “5 Ideas to Help Bring Bullying to an End” from Dr. Brown.

Bullying always involves more people than the bully and the victim.

In most bullying incidents, studies show that four or more additional peers are present[1].

What to do? Kids need opportunities (e.g., a service project) to be positive role models of good character, exemplifying the values that connect people rather than divide them.

Adults should prevent bullying behaviors, not model them.

The authority and power adults have and need to guide and protect can also be used destructively. Putting kids down or mocking their failings is bullying behavior that kids pick up on as okay and will learn to use on other kids themselves.

What to do? Correct the behavior, not the whole child.

Bullying and conflict are not the same thing.

When people have strong disagreements, aggressive behavior and responses result that may appear similar to bullying. But in situations of conflict, both parties have a degree of power, and there is a dispute over resources or decisions; there is no intention to victimize a person based on some characteristic such as their ethnicity or physical attributes. For bullies, the reward is largely social – increased status, power, attention or revenge.

What to do? Don’t assume that every conflict requires identifying a bully and a victim. Ensure kids are taught basic conflict resolution skills.

To break bullying cycles or patterns, learn to talk compassionately.

An intentional conversation designed to break a bullying behavior is often needed to help the children involved understand the impact of their actions.

What to do? In talking about being mean, an adult can engage and reinforce the natural sense of empathy with which we are all born, but we all have to learn about and practice by being compassionate with different people in different contexts.

Give youth a voice and exercise your own voice, too.

Harassment, intimidation and bullying behaviors among children and youth are a peer phenomenon, so kids are usually reluctant to talk with adults about it.

What to do? Ask your kids how things are going at school, and stay tuned for signs of trouble with peers. Let them know directly and indirectly that they are not alone and that you are available to help them.

Armed with knowledge, we can fight against the harassment, intimidation and bullying that hurt our kids. Why don’t we promote that it’s cool to be kind? Let’s stop tolerating the b-word and start solving the problem.

What are your thoughts on this? How have you dealt with this in your family? Share your opinions below!

Leigh Ann Errico is a leadership coach and the founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation.

[1] O’Connell, Pepler & Craig. Peer involvement in bullying: Insights and challenges for intervention. Journal of Adolescence. 1999 (22), p. 437-452.

“5 Ideas to Help Bring Bullying to an End” from Dr. Brown

October 15, 2014October 14, 2014 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

Dr. Philip Brown, Ph.D. — Philip Brown, Ph.D.

It’s National Bullying Prevention Month, and this October there is much greater awareness than a decade ago about the serious impact bullying has on children’s lives. As parents, teachers and kids join hands to raise awareness about how to prevent bullying and how to respond when it occurs, here is Wear the Cape’s contribution, our top five tips for understanding and dealing with bullying:

5 Ideas to Help Bring Bullying to an End
By Philip Brown, PhD

Bullying always involves more people than the bully and the victim.

Bullying is a social phenomenon and in order to stop it, everyone needs to be involved. In most bullying incidents, studies show that four or more additional peers are present[1]. Some assist by joining in the ridiculing or cheering on the bully from the sidelines, and others encourage the bully by showing signs of approval such as laughing or just watching and doing nothing.

What to do? Parents and teachers need to encourage kids to play an active part in their school community by providing opportunities to be positive role models of good character, exemplifying the values that connect people rather than divide them. Service projects that engage children across age levels and peer groups break down self-made barriers, create conditions to develop positive peer cultures, and help kids become upstanders rather than bystanders when it comes to bullying.

Adults should prevent bullying behaviors, not model them.

Most parents and teachers don’t want their children or students to be victims of bullying. However, the authority and power adults have and need to guide and protect can also be used destructively. Correcting bad behavior is necessary, but putting kids down and indicating that they are bad kids or mocking their failings is bullying behavior that kids pick up on as okay and will learn to use on other kids themselves.

What to do? Correct the behavior, not the whole child. There is a big difference between “You didn’t do your homework, and we’ve talked about that before. What happened?” and “You don’t listen to me! What kind of a student do you think you are?”

Bullying and conflict are not the same thing.

Conflict inevitably happens between people trying to get their needs met, and this can result in disagreement and hurt feelings. When people have strong disagreements, aggressive behavior and responses result that may appear similar to bullying. But there is an important difference. In situations of conflict, both parties have a degree of power, and there is a dispute over resources or decisions; there is no intention to victimize a person based on some characteristic such as their ethnicity or physical attributes. Another difference is that, for bullies, the reward is largely social – increased status, power, attention or revenge – not about an event or tangible reward. Kids are still learning how to navigate the complex world of friendships, which also leads to disagreements. Part of the growing-up process is learning how to solve these problems.

What to do? Don’t assume that every conflict requires identifying a bully and a victim. Conflict is a natural part of being human, and conflict resolution is a skill that children and adults alike need practice navigating with care and resourcefulness. Make sure your family and school teach and have learned basic conflict resolution skills.

To break bullying cycles or patterns, learn to talk compassionately.

One student with a speech impediment is being belittled, teased, and often interrupted during his classwork. To address this pattern, his classroom teacher facilitates an intentional conversation designed to both break the pattern and help the children involved understand the impact of their behavior. In talking about being mean, the teacher also engages and reinforces the natural sense of empathy with which we are all born, but we all have to learn about and practice by being compassionate with different people in different contexts.

What to do? Compassionate communication helps in navigating interpersonal relationships. But if bullying behavior persists, intervention is called for: The victim will need specific support, and the perpetrator will require specific consequences.

Give youth a voice and exercise your own voice, too.

Harassment, intimidation and bullying behaviors among children and youth are a peer phenomenon, and so kids are usually reluctant to talk with adults about it. Families and schools need to build in times and structures to help facilitate youth talking about their experiences, both positive and negative. Young people need to feel like they have an adult to whom they can turn if they are the target of bullying. They also need ways to feel safe expressing concerns about their peers’ bad behavior with adults and their peers.

What to do? Families and schools can create the conditions for youth voice by developing and reinforcing widely-shared, positive social norms (core ethical values), providing ways for all students to make valued contributions to the well-being of others, and implementing programs that regularly give youth a chance to speak their minds in a safe environment. Ask your kids how things are going at school, and stay tuned for signs of trouble with peers. Let them know directly and indirectly that they are not alone and that you are available to help them. Encourage them to be kind to others who are different than they are. Let teachers and school officials know that you support their bullying prevention efforts and programs, and hold them accountable for responding with care and appropriate consequences when bullying occurs.

[1] O’Connell, Pepler & Craig. Peer involvement in bullying: Insights and challenges for intervention. Journal of Adolescence. 1999 (22), p. 437-452.