Googie man at the English language Wikipedia [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Note to Bullies: This guy is very good at striking people out, so think twice before you are cruel!

You may be aware of the recent controversy that arose when Curt Schilling, former Red Sox champion and three-time World Series winner, tweeted about how proud he is of his 17-year-old daughter Gabby, who is going to college next year at Salve Regina University in Rhode Island to pitch for its Seahawks softball team.

Deplorably, the famous pitcher’s kudos for his child was greeted with some horrid tweets from people that were graphic, cruel, and downright abusive. Schilling posted some of the disgraceful tweets that even broke the law—attacks against his daughter, who is still a minor.

A devoted dad, Schilling was not willing to walk away from what had transpired. Taking action to hold people accountable, he researched and EXPOSED the cowards hiding behind their Twitter handles in cyberspace. Once revealed, everyday heroes turned over the identified thugs—and good for them!

One digital assailant, for example, was from a community college in New Jersey, and another man was a part-time ticket salesperson for Red Sox rival the New York Yankees. Some of the tasteless tweets even came from students at Salve Regina University.

Speaking to their actions, Schilling said in an interview,

“This is not Twitter’s fault or the Internet. That’s like blaming Ford for someone being run over. This is people. None of these people want to be connected to anything they said. There’s a reason for that. Now the goal is, if you’re a young lady and being harassed, first of all it’s against the law. As a young lady and a human, no one, anywhere, ever, is allowed to talk to you that way. Under any circumstances. If you’re a man and you do this, you’re not (a man). Being a man is about having integrity. This isn’t a mistake. This is a malicious attempt to be evil, and if you talk like this you’re a piece of garbage.”

So what were the outcomes with the people who tweeted the explicit and violent things about Schilling’s 17-year-old (read: minor) daughter? It’s a hard-hitting lesson. Of the aforementioned perpetrators, some were suspended from school, some were kicked out, and one was released from his employment with the Yankees. And all must regret that the offense will be inked on their records.

As explained in a recent column that I penned for the Star-Ledger, digital footprints can leave scars forever, so we must post and tweet wisely. I suspect the men who typed these nasty things are regretting clicking “Tweet”, because Schilling has clearly thrown right back at them a curveball with some heat.

Parents, share this cautionary tale with your older kids. Many of us learn best with examples of what not to do and why. They might mistakenly think that they’re anonymous online, but this case study proves that they can still be held accountable for their actions—think before pressing send.

Hopefully we can draw inspiration from the Shillings’ experience, as cyberbullying is spreading its tentacles. I recently learned from my teacher friend, who is a mom of teens, about a website called “Smack High”. Apparently there are “Smack” sites for various states. You can gather—thanks to the appropriately reflective title—that these websites glorify “talking smack” and saying unkind things to each other about athletics and other school topics. I went onto one of the “Smack” sites and was as disappointed as I expected to be…NOTHING positive or productive at all.

So, a couple questions come to mind: Why are people promoting this negative energy, and how can we fight love back with kindness and encouragement?

Reminds me of the Coke commercial: Let’s all flip things around to the positive.

Well, Mr. Schilling, I hope your lovely daughter Gabby has a strong career like you have achieved and absolutely loves Salve. As an alumna, I can say that I sure did. I noted that you were a good guy for all you have done to raise awareness around amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) sufferers, and of course, thought you were super tough when you pitched a win with a severely and visibly injured ankle during the 2004 American League Series against the Yankees …but, now, I really think you are a superhero—you WEAR THE CAPE!

Choose kind,
Leigh Ann

Parent Palace – a royally awesome site with fun recipes, craft ideas, product reviews and tips read by nearly 300K moms – published a guest article on bullying by Wear the Cape & kidkind foundation Founder Leigh Ann Errico. Check it out…and then poke around the Palace!

Ending the B-word Needs All Hands on Deck

January 8, 2015 By Babbette Leave a Comment

“Bullying” – these days, we see the word everywhere that we look. From school newsletters to local newscasts, bad behavior is making headlines. But bullying isn’t just a buzzword; it has become a pervasive problem. And with holiday break in the rearview mirror, the struggle will be renewed for many of our kids.

Social media has enabled the monster that is bullying to keep sprouting new heads called Kik, Ask.FM and Snapchat. Once upon a time, kids could go home from school and escape the harassment, but now it’s often even worse afterhours. As obvious as it is that a swarm of jerks has even more capacity to descend upon America, it’s less clear how to stop the plague.

Last year, I founded Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation after I came up short in my search for resources on how to raise my four kids to do the right thing and to choose kindness over the power play. Since then, we’ve partnered with Philip Brown, PhD, a senior consultant at the National School Climate Center, who is now Wear the Cape’s resident character education expert. Recently Dr. Brown helped Wear the Cape expose five realities about bullying that are often overlooked and showed us what to do in light of the facts. Here’s a condensed version of “5 Ideas to Help Bring Bullying to an End” from Dr. Brown.

Bullying always involves more people than the bully and the victim.

In most bullying incidents, studies show that four or more additional peers are present[1].

What to do? Kids need opportunities (e.g., a service project) to be positive role models of good character, exemplifying the values that connect people rather than divide them.

Adults should prevent bullying behaviors, not model them.

The authority and power adults have and need to guide and protect can also be used destructively. Putting kids down or mocking their failings is bullying behavior that kids pick up on as okay and will learn to use on other kids themselves.

What to do? Correct the behavior, not the whole child.

Bullying and conflict are not the same thing.

When people have strong disagreements, aggressive behavior and responses result that may appear similar to bullying. But in situations of conflict, both parties have a degree of power, and there is a dispute over resources or decisions; there is no intention to victimize a person based on some characteristic such as their ethnicity or physical attributes. For bullies, the reward is largely social – increased status, power, attention or revenge.

What to do? Don’t assume that every conflict requires identifying a bully and a victim. Ensure kids are taught basic conflict resolution skills.

To break bullying cycles or patterns, learn to talk compassionately.

An intentional conversation designed to break a bullying behavior is often needed to help the children involved understand the impact of their actions.

What to do? In talking about being mean, an adult can engage and reinforce the natural sense of empathy with which we are all born, but we all have to learn about and practice by being compassionate with different people in different contexts.

Give youth a voice and exercise your own voice, too.

Harassment, intimidation and bullying behaviors among children and youth are a peer phenomenon, so kids are usually reluctant to talk with adults about it.

What to do? Ask your kids how things are going at school, and stay tuned for signs of trouble with peers. Let them know directly and indirectly that they are not alone and that you are available to help them.

Armed with knowledge, we can fight against the harassment, intimidation and bullying that hurt our kids. Why don’t we promote that it’s cool to be kind? Let’s stop tolerating the b-word and start solving the problem.

What are your thoughts on this? How have you dealt with this in your family? Share your opinions below!

Leigh Ann Errico is a leadership coach and the founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation.

[1] O’Connell, Pepler & Craig. Peer involvement in bullying: Insights and challenges for intervention. Journal of Adolescence. 1999 (22), p. 437-452.