Category: Musings

Adult-sized Bullies

Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment
Richie-Incognito
Richie Incognito

For many of us, a 312 lb NFL offensive tackle is not what we visualize when we hear the term “bullying victim”. However, the Miami Dolphins recently suspended one of its players Richie Incognito “indefinitely” for alleged “misconduct” while the NFL investigates a formal complaint from a rookie offensive linesman named Jonathan Martin.

According to Wikipedia, Incognito was the recipient of the NFL’s Dirtiest Player “Award”, for which he “earned” the spotlight over time for perceived dirty play amongst NFL players, coaches, and fans. He is alleged to have punched players, gouged eyes and made illegal tackles on a regular basis.

Apparently, two senior executives from two different NFL teams recently came out to say that, when Incognito was in the draft, both of their teams passed on him because of his track record of bad character. Since rookie pay levels are tied to how early in the draft a player goes, the fact that Incognito was passed up by teams because of non-athletic reasons cost him money. And today he’s faced with the risk of losing big bucks under his contract, because the latest example of his bad behavior isn’t the first time. My question: Why was nothing done before?

When you read the reports of Incognito’s alleged conduct and bullying tactics used against Martin (forcing him to fund trips for other players to Vegas, calling his teammate, of all people,  mean names, using racial slurs and making threats), you realize that bullying is not just reserved for the playground. Kudos to the NFL and to Joe Philbin, coach of the Miami Dolphins, for doing what’s right (taking action), not what’s easy (looking the other away).

The reality is: Kid bullies grow up to be adult bullies…that’s why making an impression about the importance of good character and kindness from an early age is critical. We certainly hope that Mr. Martin quickly bounces back from the dishonorable digs of his adult-sized bully.

As for Mr. Incognito: He clearly doesn’t know what it means to “Wear the Cape”. And c’mon, man…million dollar contracts are at stake, not to mention the success of your team. In more ways than one, it doesn’t pay to be a bully.

New York Times Letter to the Editor for today’s Sunday Dialogue

Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment
Mikel Jaso

For today’s Sunday Dialogue, The New York Times invited readers to discuss the tone of public discourse in the digital age. The conversation was sparked by a Letter to the Editor on the Rebecca Ann Sedwick cyberbullying tragedy from Mitch Horowitz, author of the forthcoming “One Simple Idea: How Positive Thinking Reshaped Modern Life.”

Here is my Reader Reaction:

To the Editor:

Kindness is free, but it’s become a luxury. In Mitch Horowitz’s October 21st Letter to the Editor urging that we “Bring Back Civility,” he underscores the importance of parents and teachers monitoring “online chatter”. I want to suggest a word swap, because the connotation of chatter doesn’t begin to reflect the pain and price of the digital damning that’s become as trendy as skinny jeans. Horowitz is right that an uglier and less empathic side of human behavior has been normalized – but why has being cruel become normal?

We are in a race to no place. Fueled by technology – smartphones, tablets, notebooks and sliders – society has accelerated to a pace at which necessary nurturing is neglected. Children need long hugs, long lectures and long timeouts. How is sound character supposed to stick if it’s imparted in a here-and-there, slapped-together kind of way (or not even taught at all)? We must systematically set an example for our kids.

Technology has contributed to values being lost in translation. It’s also given kids a wall to hide behind while they hurl hurt (they’re often doing so because they’re hurting inside themselves). No one wants to learn of another sweet-faced 12-year-old taking his or her own life. So in remembrance of Rebecca Ann Sedwick, here are “10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying”.

Leigh Ann Errico is the founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation, dedicated to restoring the power of kindness and good character.

To read Horowitz’ piece, titled “Bring Back Civility,” and other reader responses, click here. Why do you think civility has plummeted?

A Cup of Hope

Leigh Ann Errico1 Comment
A cup of _____

Less than a week ago when Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation successfully launched, an insightful woman commented that she felt like the WtC mission, tagline and kidkind foundation gave her a “cup of hope” – the phrase immediately wrapped its arms around me when I read it! There’s just something about sitting down, drinking something warm and toasty to nourish our bodies, our souls and our relationships. So rejuvenating, right?

That’s exactly what we want Wear the Cape to be in communities across the country, with you – our supporters – the cups full of hope. The overarching mission of both the brand and the foundation is to restore the power of kindness and good character; it’s meant to help communities regenerate with a renewed sense of values and respect for one another.

We are all running so fast every day. Our gadgets are sounding off; our inboxes are overflowing to the point of no return. There are bills to pay, activities to drive to and bosses to please. Some of us are so addicted to technology and the pressure to respond and be “on” that we may have even taken life threatening risks by texting in the car…while driving our kids! (Here’s my plug for no texting and driving: PLEASE, don’t do it! It’s so tempting but never worth it. The person sending a buzz your way can wait.)

All this goes to say that, for many, the days of taking the time to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee, tea or cider have faded – but you can give someone a cup of hope every day by doing things like opening doors, striking up friendly conversation, or leaving a note on the car you accidentally dinged in the parking lot. For a few, the ritual has not been lost. I recently had lunch with a super cool friend from college named Laura. She’s one of those people who sparkles so brightly when she walks into a room that you can’t help but be swept up in her joy for her life. She appreciates every moment she’s been given on this earth.

Laura inspired me with a practice that should be so darn simple, but seems to be so complicated to achieve with all of our demands and devices. Laura told me that her job outside of the house sometimes allows her to be home when her girls get off the bus. She times their arrival, brewing a pot of coffee and making hot cocoa right before the girls return home. They then sit at the kitchen table and have a cup of “cheer” together as they discuss the day…the wins, the disappointments, the opportunities, whatever the case may be. Laura schedules that appointment with her kids like we would schedule any other priority.

My segment after school, however, resembles something like a traveling circus freak show, so I, for a moment, felt like a lackluster mom…but you know what? I’m working on it, I’m trying; everything we can do is all we can do. So here’s to all of us who are doing the best we can every day. Let’s raise a glass to giving others a “cup of hope” at every opportunity.

Cheers! And have a great week!